I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
