dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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