You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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