Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
