I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
