the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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