bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
