I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
