I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
