$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
