It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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