that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
