wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
