Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
