it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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