in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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