I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
