i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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