so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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