You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
