I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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