so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
