I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
