her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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