She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
