I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
