You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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