I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
