just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
