I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm really busy with my period
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