Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
