i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
