If i come over, it means nothing
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
