White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
