everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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