Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
