I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
