so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
