The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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