there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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