You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
