before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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