HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
