How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
