Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
