dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
