When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
