i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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