it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need a burrito and a hug.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
