my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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