There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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