Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
