im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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