apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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